My wife likes to needle me for (according to her) not being good at looking for things. Needless to say, I disagree.
(Admittedly, I did recently speak to a senior marketer at Proctor and Gamble who told me that P&G has done studies in homes in which they move one or two items in the pantry, and women crush men in their ability to figure out what was moved….something about how men and women’s memories about of spatial relations are fundamentally different.)
I didn’t help my case when, the other day, I failed to find the little needle for the bike pump, so I could inflate a soccer ball. This tiny needle floats around our house, usually in the “junk drawer” that’s full of pens, keys, stickers, and other small household overflow items. I rifled through the drawer twice and convinced myself if wasn’t there.
My wife came downstairs, opened the drawer, and pulled the darn thing out in about two seconds.
Friendly marital banter aside, here’s what I’ve begun to understand: we look in a different ways when we’re sure something is there. And this isn’t just about keys and pens and tomato sauce.
It goes something like this: if you’re not sure something is there, you’re looking in order to 1) Confirm/refute your hypothesis that the thing is there AND 2) Find the thing. Conversely, if you’re sure something is there, you’re just working #2, on finding the thing. Evidence along the way that indicates that it’s not there is summarily ignored.
This applied to all proverbial needles in haystacks, to problems big and small. Knowing the answer is out there – you just have to find it – is a completely different undertaking than looking around, not sure if the answer is out there in the first place. If you do the latter, you’re likely to throw in the towel far too soon, and you’re also likely to look in the wrong places. If you’re sure the answer is out there, you hang on to that conviction doggedly.
This is why looking tentatively is so problematic; why high-paid consultants often end up confirming what we already knew and discourage us from pushing boundaries into the unknown; it’s why great entrepreneurs distinguish themselves.
The chorus of naysayers loves to jeer that a better way isn’t out there. And they win when we give up, because it confirms their own fears and the status quo that they love so much.
The thing is, a better way IS out there. And you’re going to find it if you look hard enough.
3 thoughts on “I know it’s here somewhere”
Great post Sasha. It is an unavoidable truth that our wives find things far better than we do. I now say “I know you’re going to find it right away, but I have looked for it.”
But somehow we are content that we have looked. When in reality finding is more important than looking – but we are content with just having looked and leave the harder work to someone else. It’s just like shipping is more important than being content with a clever business plan and taking action is more important than talking about taking action. Let’s not leave the harder work to someone else.
Thanks for your insightful thoughts.
Sasha, I just love this post as I not only face the same spatial differences with my husband that you and your wife do 😉 but also because I agree fundamentally with your overall premise. Seeing what is possible and going after it is such a better way to live life and approach the work at hand. I love imagining what could be done and then putting in place what we need to get there. Thanks for reminding me of the power of this approach!
Stephanie, I suspect your husband and I could compare notes mounting our defense about how we are, really and truly, not bad at looking for things!!